


Shame

by Picturemedrowning



Category: Professional Wrestling, WWE
Genre: Drabble, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-25
Updated: 2014-01-25
Packaged: 2018-01-10 00:50:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 739
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1152835
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Picturemedrowning/pseuds/Picturemedrowning





	Shame

They all think it’s my thing, I mean I bought the look on my face – I paid for it in blood and broken glass and barbs of metal that dug so far in I just wanted to kind of leave them there. So I’d heal and all the time have this thing to remind me about who I was, right there, beating and living under my skin.

And then you came along and I swear I’d never seen anyone I wanted to fuck so badly. I’m used to hearing my mind and telling it yes, yes I heard you the first time but this, this was different. It wouldn’t shut up about you. Over and over on a loop until I can’t be around you without it being there. The look on my face changed and now it isn’t metal under my skin at all, its you.

I took you and spoke to you and we are friends but I still don’t think you know. Not really. They’re all scared of me, I can see it in their faces and I see it in yours and my head is saying, stop it, stop you’ve gone too far, you’re pushing him away before he even got the chance to get close. But its too late. They won’t believe anything about me if its not born in blood, words spitting from an angry mouth like poison.

The system has me, I’m drowning in it, gasping and trying to take your hand, hoping you know me enough to see you should pull me out and into your arms and please let me fuck you.

That time I caught you in the shower, when I watched you for sixteen heartbeats before I made any sound at all, by the fifth I was rock hard and by the tenth I was wishing I was dead, number sixteen came around wanting to take you down with me, I think about it when I’m lonely and its dark and no one can see my face change, change into the broken thing it becomes without you. 

I was clawing worry into my palms and I paid a guy to suck me off behind the coaches. I got my hand in his hair and pretended it was you. Afterwards I punched him in the jaw and said if he told anyone I'd kill him.

Drive and passion are drugs just like everything else and I suck them dry every night before I put that look back on, that dangerous off centre smile that makes the girls so wet, makes them bite their lips and clench their little fists. And I look at you like that, I push it all at you, I scrape my insides raw and give it all and I see you staring sometimes, see the way your mouth opens and your eyes move over me and my head is screaming he’s your friend, he’s your friend.

Something is giving me hope and I want to set it alight because I know its not real. I think its your skin, or the light in your eyes, but how could you ever love me? You’re just a kid and I’m just a monster and its so much worse when I think about you at night. All this attention we're getting, it's going to break me. I could handle you by myself but now it's a competition and no one gets you like I do. No one can trace the patterns of your body like I could. Ask me to close my eyes and imagine my favourite part of you and it's the curve of your waist, the tight slim line of your hips.  

The bourbon on your breath is making my skin itch. Everyone is watching and I’m grinding my teeth and staring at your hands and imagining them around my throat. You laugh and you look at me, expectant and I’ve got nothing to say apart from wanna go back to mine?

You tell me you can’t believe how tired you are and your head hits my shoulder, blonde on black and I swear your hand touches mine just for a second. I say I feel the same and I don’t say its because I lay awake watching the moon, chewing my tongue and biting my nails and praying to a god I don’t believe in that one day you’ll just understand that I love you.


End file.
